So apparently between Christmas and Valentine’s day is meant to be the prime time for you to see engagements popping up all over Facebook. I don’t know if there is a special name for this time but perhaps it can be compared to twitterpation in the Disney movie Bambi?
ANYWAY inspired by this blog post: http://t.co/ztLzUpXzKZ I thought I would write my own take on marriage at 20-something, settling down and the way work tends to mess with relationships (yeah, I had to crow-bar the careers thing in there some how)
First up – my take on marriage. In 2013, 3 people I know got married, not in a triangly kind of way but just 3 separate people I know. I’m entering a phase in my life where there are more and more of my friends getting engaged and married. One of my closest friends is married and if I mention them in conversation it’s so weird saying husband/wife instead of girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe that’s just me being immature but it will eventually take over. I think it’s great if people feel that they are ready to settle down and I’m not about to poo on marriage but SLOW DOWN Y’ALL!
I can see why people would want to get married at 20-something. Security, knowing that it’s the two of you against the world, guarantee that you actually have someone you can count on (how many of your uni friends do you still hear from?!) But some people feel like it’s “the done thing” or that marriage is the stamp of “I AM NOW AN ADULT!” but – heads up do you actually know anything about a pension oooor a mortgage? Ooooor life insurance? (nope, nope aaaand nope) I see marriage as a completely different ball game to “going out” or cohabiting.
Secondly when people say don’t mix business and pleasure (plus other more gross sounding analogies) they are right. Trust me. Don’t question. Just trust.
Some people have asked me what the best way of going about moving in together and finding work when you’re starting our living together is. Say you both decide where you want to live (yay, you agreed!)
- I think it is important that at least one of you has a job set up there before you go moving in somewhere. I say at least one of you, if one of you doesn’t manage it right away it’s fine just make sure you have savings behind you to cover the costs.
- Make sure you don’t get caught out and end up having to rush to find somewhere to live. Give yourself time, don’t feel pressured by an employer to accept an offer, give yourself breathing space. They want the right person for the job and that’s you so they should be prepared for a bit of a wait if you have to relocate.
- Just because you’re older and wiser doesn’t mean you won’t get messed around by an agent! So be cautious.
- It’s important to keep each other motivated and not to feel bad if your other half manages to score a role before you do. Be open and honest in your job search and try not to put too much pressure on the other person to get something.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for nearly 2 years now (been together for 4 years). We found it hard finding work in a place full stop let alone jobs somewhere we both wanted to settle down and I feel like it’s accomplishment enough that we managed to do it even if it did take a year.
When you do manage to settle in together life still likes to keep you guessing – your job can be called into question, you might be asked if you can relocate in order to fill the organisation’s needs (BUT WE JUST GOT HERE?!), you might decide you don’t want to be doing what you’re doing and that can take its toll on a relationship. Despite being with someone, whether you’re married or otherwise you can feel super lonely and bottle up emotions related to job insecurity because as a couple you’re a unit or a team and if you get bummed out and sad so does the other person.
All of these challenges can mean you take your 20-something eye off any “pie in the sky” thoughts (look at the rhyme!) like marriage or even babies (babies?! How about having a pet together first?) I know people who do the long distance thing (country to country not county to county) which is bound to have an impact on a relationship. And if you both wanna bugger off elsewhere or one of your does then you know be prepared for the challenge.
Or, if you’re single or just independently minded you can you know, just work on being you if you want?
You’re young! There is time!
You’re not meant to have all the answers. I know I don’t. Even if I write like I think I do.
I totally don’t